Acknowledging his lack of support from an all-important constituency within the Democratic Party, presumptive party nominee Sen. Barack Obama, D-Ill., announced his intention to focus his efforts upon winning the Lanny Davis vote.
Davis, an attorney and an irrationally rabid supporter of New York senator Hillary Clinton’s during the Democratic primaries, has been extremely critical of Sen. Obama, and also astoundingly vocal about that criticism.
Speaking to reporters Thursday, Sen. Obama said, “It is obvious to me now that I have not done enough to win Lanny Davis’s trust and support,” adding as he fought back tears, “He has shown me the many, many, many errors of my ways, and I now plan to rectify those errors in any way that Lanny sees fit.”
“Just tell me what to do, Lanny,” said Obama.
Reached for comment, Mr. Davis was less than appreciative of Sen. Obama’s conversion.
Said Davis in a phone interview, “Oh, so now he thinks that by placating me he can undo the damage he’s wrought upon our vulnerable, quivering nation by denying Hillary Clinton the presidency? I find it insulting – insulting on the behalf of Senator and President Clinton.”
Added Davis, “And by President Clinton, I of course mean Hillary, because she should be president. And Obama shouldn’t. Because.”
Only yesterday, Davis scolded Obama for rumors that he might, conceivably, in theory, place a on the ticket with him a woman other than Sen. Clinton. Davis says now that Obama called him to apologize for even letting anyone think that he would do such an obviously terrible and sexist thing.
“I appreciated it for a second or two, before I remembered to get mad at him for something or other that I had just made up just then,” said Davis, who we had trouble getting to stop talking and hang up the phone.
Caught somewhat off guard by the suddenness of Obama’s utterly unwarranted contrition earlier in the day, members of the press later sought elaboration on what the hell Sen. Obama was thinking.
“Thanks to Mr. Davis, it is clear to me that not only was it a mistake to run adds contrasting my positions with Sen. Clinton’s in the primaries, but to challenge her for the presidency at all,” said a clearly broken Obama. “My entire campaign is a sham. I have offered the nomination to Hillary, which she has so kindly, but frustratingly, refused, and so I remain, if ever so reluctantly, the Democratic nominee. Darn it all.”
The McCain campaign released a statement following Obama’s announcement, excoriating the Illinois senator for being “in the pocket of ‘Big Lanny'” and for appearing “soft on Davisism.”
In a television interview, however, Sen. McCain himself said, “I don’t know who ‘Danny Davis’ is, but I will tell you that Senator Obama ran over your dog and makes angels cry.”