Near Earth Archive

A backup of Near Earth Object by Paul Fidalgo

Month: September, 2008

Sarah Palin, You May Have Already Won…

No, I just can’t believe all the reports about Republican panic over Sarah Palin’s upcoming debate with Joe Biden. Yes, she’s been a disaster in interviews, but all of this ink being spilled about Maalox-guzzling McCainiacs doesn’t jibe with me. Here’s why.

We all know that debates are essentially a game of expectations-setting and bar-clearing. This is why someone like George W. Bush could ever have been considered to “win” any debate, ever-ever. After the atrocious week or so that Palin has had on the opening-her-mouth front, her expectations as low as they could possibly be.

So let’s just be honest: As long as she doesn’t vomit on Gwen Ifill or propose marriage to Osama bin Laden, the media will hop up and down with faux amazement, screaming, “She beat expectations! She has a functioning neo-cortex! Winner!”

Let’s see how this might go down:

– – –

Pundit 1: I tell you, Sarah Palin really knocked it out of the park. We did some checking, and fully 80% of her sentences were complete, and she correctly identified the name of the state she was in. I should note that at no time did she fall asleep, drool, or visibly soil herself. I don’t know about you, but I think we have a clear winner tonight.

Pundit 2: No doubt about it. And what about that Joe Biden? Major disappointment, seemingly going out of his way to “know things” and “say stuff.” I think the American people are going to find him far too educated, informed, and prepared to be president. A real insult to small town voters, and brutally unfair to Sarah Palin. Barack Obama may have to consider dropping him from the ticket.

– – –

Side note: I would be remiss if I did not plug my former boss Judd Legum’s excellent column in the Huffington Post on how to watch a debate, not that he needs my help!


Please, Let Palin be Palin

Seriously. I’m begging you. Let ‘er rip. Whatever you do in your debate, just keep talking.

McCain Resumes Campaign, Being a Dick

After suspending his campaign in order to assist Congress with the Wall Street bailout plan, Sen. John McCain officially returned to the campaign trail late Friday morning, readied himself for the first Presidential debate that evening, and resumed being a dick to Sen. Barack Obama.

In a statement following his resumption of campaign activities, McCain’s campaign made stuff up about the status of the plan before his heroic arrival in Washington, and for no discernible reason gave the rhetorical finger to a non-complicit Sen. Obama, saying,

The difference between Barack Obama and John McCain was apparent during the White House meeting yesterday where Barack Obama’s priority was political posturing in his opening monologue defending the package as it stands.

In a memo obtained exclusively by Near Earth Object, the McCain campaign makes clear how the senator will respond to various questions concerning the economy and foreign policy at the debate this evening. Some examples:

  • When asked about the cause of the meltdown: Senator Obama community-organized the housing bubble.
  • When asked about the wisdom of the bailout: All I know is that Barack Obama’s initials are B.O., and that’s what he smells like right now.
  • When asked about Russian-Georgian tensions: Even if I was gay, I would think Senator Obama was ugly and I would not date him.
  • When asked about Iran’s nuclear program: Iran must never be allowed to have a nuclear weapon, and Barack Obama called my mom a whore. My friends, I totally heard him say that.

Country First-ish

So much about McCain’s behavior over the past month or so has made me nauseous, but I just happen to catch this little tidbit of bullshit that induced violent dry heaves.

Following a day of mucking up the bailout negotiations, McCain opened an interview about the “suspension” of his campaign with his campaign’s slogan.

BRIAN WILLIAMS: …Are you happy with how you’ve played this so far?

JOHN MCCAIN: Look, I don’t know how it’s played. I have a record of putting my country first.

I mean, not even the pretense of refraining from campaigning. I know that the whole stunt is transparently phony already, but one would at least expect that the pantomime would be performed with a little more subtlety.

‘Bussard Collector’ Earns ‘Track of the Day’ Award

I don’t know how they reach these conclusions, or how much they expect me to pay them, but on September 10, reviews at made “Bussard Collector” the Track of the Day, and the previous week it was named “Most Original” in the category of Alternative Pop.

If you want to keep track of how the song is holding up over there, click on over to’s home for my music. As you can see, “Bussard” is holding up much better than some previous efforts of mine.

Don’t forget: I have lots of free music at, and if you want to help me out, you can get it for pennies at Amie Street.

Numbers are Hard!

Bless her heart. She sure is trying.

The Palin Bubble Deflates My Blog

Official confirmation that the Palin bubble has, if not burst, deflated:

Yes, those are the hits to this blog.* On the day that Palin was announced as McCain’s running mate, my blog peaked at 4,999 hits before 8pm ET, all for the piece about Palin’s bloodfeud with polar bears. In total, that post has gotten over 10,000 hits, and kept Near Earth Object afloat.

No more. As you can see, the dream is over. I will miss all those people who came to yell at me in grammatically incorrect ways.

Thanks, Sarah.

*Referring to this content’s original home, pre-export.

Um, Not Quite

While McCain’s computer illiteracy is indeed troubling for anyone who wants to be president in the information age, this ad somehow doesn’t quite make that point. It seems to just point and chuckle at the old man for being behind the times without saying why that might be a presidential disqualifier. I’m not filled with hope yet, folks.

The Palin Doctrine

I really think she made a compelling case for whatever it is she believes about fighting terrorists or something. Heckuva job, Guvvy.

The Immediacy of Cowbell

I was really quite over the whole “more cowbell” meme–there were too many folks who thought they were equally funny every time they brought it up.

But I may be a born again Walkenist. Fellow blogger Ken Kennedy (aka Kenzoid) put my “Immediacy of Now” remix into the grinder of the site, and something glorious was born.

Conflict of Interest + Walken + Cowbell = Awesome.

The song was actually improved. So without further ado, I give you…

The Immediacy of Now ( Remix)

(Download it here.)

Yes, it is a remix of a remix.

Thanks, Kenzoid!