Saving Throw vs. Douchebag, Chapter 4

Former McCain campaign blogger and my favorite paleo-wingnut–frat-boy–meathead, Michael Goldfarb, is inexplicably still being paid by well-regarded institutions to blog for them. Here’s his latest, on the next three potential Democratic U.S. senators:

It would be an embarrassment for the Democratic party, which suddenly seems to know nothing but since November 4. But for Republicans, the possibility of Franken, Caroline, and Burris all making it into the Senate is like hitting the trifecta — incompetence, nepotism, and corruption, respectively, will be the buzzwords for our new Democratic Senate.

That would be totally hilarious and awesome and witty of Goldfarb…

1) …if Al Franken were actually incompetent (he’s an accomplished satirist, author, and policy wonk)…

2) …if Roland Burris were actually corrupt (the guy is, as far as I know, clean as a whistle, not withstanding his appointer), and

3) …if Caroline Kennedy were to actually get the job because of nep…o…tiz…

…um…

Hmm.

Blast it! Score one-third of a point for Goldfarb! Daaaaaammmnnnn hiiiiimmmmm!!!!!!! *Shakes fist*

You very partially win THIS time!!!

Saving Throw vs. Douchebag, Chapter 3

McCain communications douche Michael Goldfarb has amused me with his idiocy time and time again. He seems to have a problem with people who are smart, and now I’ve realized why. Because he really, really isn’t. Watch.

[Video removed by network]

Yeah, and he’s a jerk, too. When this election is over, he can go back to whatever dive sports bar bathroom floor he crawled from and ferment.

By the way, props to CNN’s Rich Sanchez for doing a good job at being appropriately incredulous at several points throughout this election season. If only etcetera, etcetera.

Saving Throw vs. Douchebag, Chapter 2

Gather ye round and note! Or, hark! Michael Goldfard, 1st Level Douchebag of the McCain campaign has won yet another initiative roll, and has attacked with his Blog of Idiocy!

Hark, um, again! Upset by some nameless bloggers’ accusations about his boss’s time in Vietnam, Goldfarb ejaculates:

It may be typical of the pro-Obama Dungeons & Dragons crowd to disparage a fellow countryman’s memory of war from the comfort of mom’s basement, but most Americans have the humility and gratitude to respect and learn from the memories of men who suffered on behalf of others.

He must have rolled an 18 for wisdom, because it is entirely true that when adventuring throughout the Forgotten Realms, many a warrior will descend into a dungeon (or “basement”), and after a long day of combat with orcs and kobolds, will sit around a fire and disparage our fellow countrymen’s memories of war.

Our mothers are not usually there, for they are old and frail, except for the elves, whose moms are still hot, because elves live for, like, ever.

That Goldfarb. He’s a whacko with no THAC0.

Saving Throw vs. Douchebag

Anyone who knows me can tell you that I’m a shy, thoughtful guy who really has to click with a group to feel comfortable. I need to find a niche with people who are into the same things I am. Well, thanks to the McCain campaign, I think I may have found my new crew.

You see, this guy from the McCain campaign recently said this to the AP about the stewards of the Gray Lady:

“If the shareholders of The New York Times ever wonder why the paper’s ad revenue is plummeting and its share price tanking, they need look no further than the hysterical reaction of the paper’s editors to any slight, real or imagined, against their preferred candidate,” said McCain campaign spokesman Michael Goldfarb.

Goldfarb compared the editors to a blogger “sitting at home in his mother’s basement and ranting into the ether between games of Dungeons & Dragons.”

Did you catch that last part?

I know!

I totally want to hang out with The New York Times’ editors now! I had no idea they were rollin’ the d20.

And I’ll put in a good word for Goldfarb so he can play, too. He can start out as a 1st level Douchebag, whose magic spells include “Ruin Relationship with Media” and “Overreact to Criticism” (which requires a 1d4 points of tantrum per level of caster).

Completely awesome miniature art by Jason Vail. Yeah, this guy was our dungeon master. You’d never know it to look at him.

Hark! This saga has been updated!